Thanks for joining me! I’m super passionate about changing the nasty cycle of divorce we continue to see divide our families and the hearts of our children! This blog will be geared toward how God can change our current circumstances with our ex-spouses and their families, in-turn providing the best opportunity for our children to grow up with two involved and loving families!
But first, a little background on who I am and what drives my passion in this area. I am a product of a divorced home and I married at 20 years old, only to find myself divorced by 23. This is a cycle we see time and time again. Incomplete, broken, and emotionally wounded children that grow up with no understanding of what or how marriage is. A whole generation that does not comprehend forever… a generation that laugh’s at the thought of being married to one person for life. Those laugh’s are not because of ignorance or rebellious thoughts and actions. The majority of those thoughts are because of emotional wounds carried by them or even their parents.
During my morning prayer about 9 years ago, God revealed something to me… He revealed to me that I, through my own divorce and emotional wounds, was setting my daughter up for the same emotional insecurities and wounds I carried myself. I came from home where my Father wasn’t present. He was around, just not daily, or even weekly. We talked to him and saw him on holidays. But I had no idea what a functioning marriage looked like or what it felt like to feel whole. I didn’t know I wasn’t whole. I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed feel broken. The thoughts and beliefs I carried toward marriage and fathers were so far from reality. But they were MY reality. The thing is, I can’t look back at my childhood and say “oh, my dad was a dead beat” or “my mom was crazy”. From the outside, we actually had a very normal childhood with two loving and hardworking parents. No one, including myself, knew how shattered my security and confidence really was.
I didn’t even start to see my own brokenness until I saw it in my daughter. I saw me in her. I saw shattered and scared. I saw unsure and worried. I saw anxiety and control over what she could control. I saw all the things I lived and was too young to understand. I saw broken. And it terrified me. I repeated the cycle and my ex-husband was also from a shattered home. He had a father who left and wasn’t around. Didn’t call. Didn’t come for holidays. So essentially, we had two big broken messes… that didn’t know they were broken. We repeated the cycle. Married. Divorced. Fuss and tear down. I mean society tells us it’s okay to hate our ex…right? In fact, society actually fuels the fire and animosity between divorcee’s.
January 12, 2011 is the day I received the greatest Grace man could know. I remember this day for several reasons. The biggest reason is this is the day I was saved… reborn… set free… restored… oh, so beautifully saved! The other reason I remember this day because this was also the day of my ex-husbands second wife’s fathers funeral. Did you catch all that? Yep, I got saved at the funeral of my daughter’s, step-moms, father. How is that for God’s sense of humor? I, in support of my daughter, went to the funeral. I remember getting ready to go and being totally annoyed by the thought of it but knowing I should go and do the right thing for my Ana. The preacher doing the eulogy begins talking about being saved and then starts to pray. He ask anyone who wants to be saved to raise their hand, out of nowhere, my hand shoots straight up in the air! I even said to myself, “what are you doing, put your hand down!” But my hand stayed and I reluctantly began repeating the words he was speaking. As the words were coming out, the weight was lifting off of me. I could feel the changes in my heart starting.
Over the next nine years, God transformed a nasty, bitter divorce into a team of parents that work synergistically to raise a beautiful daughter in a loving environment. I say team because Ana has myself, my husband, her Dad, and his wife; along with all the grandparents from all four of those parents. We are team Ana. And this is where this blog will begin – Transformed…
“Quit asking man for something only God can give you.” -Kathy Devaughn